**Humour me whilst I bend the time/space continuum and jump back to a couple of weeks ago. It’s well worth the journey, I promise.**
According to Psychology Today, there are seven research based indicators to determine if you are really “in love”. They are:
- Feeling addicted to them
- Needing them to be liked by friends and family
- You miss them when you’re apart
- Your sense of self has improved
- Celebrating their triumph’s (despite your own failings)
- It being mutual
- You get jealous – but not suspicious
I’m certain that points 1 through 4 could apply to some black bean brownies I made a few weeks back – seriously, I could not quit them and I reckon if you asked the brownies, the appreciation was mutual. 80% of your recommended daily fibre intake might not be what YOU look for in a dessert – but trust me – they were GOOOOD. So moist. Some might say too moist. I say NO SUCH THING!
Psychology Today, I propose an 8th point to the above list; fear. Fear of losing them, fear of them leaving you, fear of them eating the last brownie etc etc.
I knew I was in love when I had someone to project all of my anxieties onto. All of them. All of a sudden I was far less concerned with myself as I had someone else to worry about – it was like a poorly thought out spin class – exhausting but refreshing (and initially leaves you a touch saddle sore).
When my husband went overseas for work a few weeks before we were due to start our first IVF cycle I “joked” that I should get him to sign his sperm over to me… in the event that… he…well… you know. I mean what if he caught some ghastly affliction off a dutch backpacker in Bratislava and sullied his load? Or died. What if he died and took his load with him, sullied or otherwise…which would be cleaner for everyone involved.
Of course, I didn’t need to worry – because air travel is safer than driving down the Hume Highway and it’s the Swedes you have to watch out for apparently. It’s not just their music that’s catchy.
But you can imagine my joy when after he arrived back, predictably alive and we turned up to our mandatory counselling session expecting to confront the challenges of infertility and the IVF process, only to be handed a form asking us if the other could have our eggs and/or sperm should one of us die.
THIS! YES! Here was I, naively thinking we’d need to unpack our ability to deal with disappointment, financial pressures or the trauma of not getting what we want. Nope, instead suggesting that ONE OF US MIGHT DIE came as an excellent distraction to all the tiresome, textbook anxiety and frustration you might usually associate with the process. Well played shrewd therapist lady, well played.
I signed that form faster than an injury waiver at a free yoga class. What’s mine is yours. None of this til death do us part nonsense. Now, in the event of my death – he is COMPLETELY obliged to find a surrogate, and raise my doppelgänger (I’m convinced I have dominate genes – they’ll match my personality). Nobody said shit about that on any of the forums I visited. They’re all too busy bemoaning the needles and the cost of healthcare in Ohio. There’s a lot of barren women in Ohio with access to the internet it seems.
Of course, the counsellor and her box of tissues were there in the event we disagreed. No argument from us, not even when she asked if our leftovers could be given to science. HELL YES. It’s science that has made this conversation possible! Poor old science is on the sidelines, salivating while you get half way through a brownie and declare “it’s too rich for me” and then dump it in the bin before it’s had a chance to say “are you going to finish that?” Science can have whatever it needs. It can take whatever is left over after my husband single handedly raises multiple mini me’s in circumstances befitting an OCTO-DAD.
It’s all hypothetical of course. Except now I have it in writing, in a legally binding contract.
In the spirit of wetting palates, here’s the link to those crack like vegan brownies that have made me impossible to leave (created by the genius that is My Goodness Kitchen). https://mygoodnesskitchen.com/tahini-caramel-black-bean-brownies/
IVeFfort 